Rudolf the Redneck Raindeer: Get a Gun

Guns don´t kill people, people kill people. This is a statement that we have heard many times in defense to allowing people to run around freely with guns in their hands. And you know what? They are absolutely right. The constant ignorance of people who want to “protect” their children without machine guns or think that blowing somebody away randomly on the street is wrong is, frankly, ridiculous. Apparently, we as human beings have lost touch with reality and think that the peaceful answer is the right answer. Wrong! Everyone should carry a fucking weapon on them and I will tell you why.

                Firstly, we could shoot people who wind us up or we just don´t like. Imagine that neighbor who keeps stepping on your freshly planted flowers and doesn´t even apologize. You could walk straight up to his front door and put a fresh cap through his skull. That would teach him. Or that guy who cut you off in traffic on your way home to see your family. Well, he wouldn´t do that again. I think the world would benefit from these jerk-offs being dead or at least too scared to do something stupid.

                Second of all, building that dream bunker stacked to the nuts with end-of-the-world firearms would be absolutely a dream come true for many citizens. Just think how nice it would be to know that if aliens or the Chinese attack, you would have a safe place to bring your family and fight back when the time is right. You could even put a canon in the bunker pointing at a particular disliked place of interest. Moreover, IKEA would be able to take advantage of the popularity of newly built bunkers with things like zigzag-patterned gun racks. The economy is a disaster right now, and guns sell. Fact.

                Lastly, kids could play a more authentic game of cowboys and Indians with real-life shootouts. Don´t you remember when you played this game as a child and took at shot at Sherriff Billy but Billy claimed that you missed him and kept playing. Well with real guns we would know if Billy was shot or not because he wouldn´t be moving, or at least twitching from pain. Hell, if we had real guns available at every corner shop I could talk my friends into playing a little cowboys and Indians for old time sakes. Kids need to know the consequences of their actions and this is a way to show them some realism.  

In conclusion, you hippy types or those who have hippy friends who keep yapping about safety and humanity and how we shouldn´t carry weapons, you need to think of the positives: no more idiots, economy boost, more realistic games. And if you still don´t agree you´ll be first on my list. Bang! Bang! YEEHAH!!!