De-evolution

Lazy people corrode civilisation as a whole and destroy the very fibres of what humanity spent thousands of years trying to achieve. I’m talking about those who are always late, sit around, never finish what they have to do on time, pass the buck and never take responsibility for what they are responsible for. These people would be weeded out in the animal kingdom because they just plain hinder evolution, or better said, cause us to go backwards as a species. And what do we do? We help them.

Now I understand we are in a crisis and everything but when meet someone who has been looking for work for the last 25 years but still hasn’t found anything, I feel choking them. While in Spain people (with less than three kids) don’t receive any benefits, countries like Germany and England having been giving away money to professional “job seekers” for years. If you don’t work, the governments in these counties pay you money, period. And this is where the problem comes in, people just take the money and don’t look for a job, and there is a lot of work. Moreover, they have like twelve kids to receive as many child benefits as possible to even get more money. Now here is where the de-evolution starts. Most sane working households have one or two children and those children grow up to be working citizens (generally), while the fourteen children that grew up in the atmosphere of “avoid working” will do the same. This will result in few people doing all the work and earning all the money whereas the rest just stay at home on benefits. Unfortunately, the only solution is to either have better inspectors or just stop giving them money.

Another type of lazy good-for-nothing person seems to flourish in places that still bear the same roman system of “everyone wants to be a civil servant”. A good example is where I live now, Spain, because people fight tooth and nail to become a civil servant or work in a cooperative. And the reason that these positions are so highly sought after is that as a civil servant or member of a cooperative is basically untouchable and has a salary for life. This seems to create the odd person that achieves this type of position and basically, starts doing nothing. This is really sad to watch or be part of because what ends up happening, so the company doesn’t go under, everyone else has to do what they don’t do creating more work for the hard workers. Really the only solution is to move to a more American system in which anybody can lose their job at any given time. Sadly, the politicians are civil servants too so that will never happen.

In closing, humanity is on its way backwards thanks to a group of individuals whose aspirations are to sit on a chair while everyone else has to pick up the pieces for them. What should happen is that we stop helping, regardless of their situation, and let them sort out their own problems. Moreover, start letting them know that this behaviour will not be tolerated and that there are consequences because I am sick and tired of paying their wages and doing their work, and so should you.       

Get Real

The other day I was sitting in a Café when someone with a clipboard of signatures approached me to get me to sign, naturally my first question was “What for?”. Then it was like I was hit with a hammer. The scraggly hippy-looking woman looked at me and told me “it´s a petition to demand 700 euro monthly wage for all Spanish citizens working or not working”. I then had to open my big mouth and ask “You don´t mean if they just stay home and do nothing without looking for work, right?”. Her response was priceless, “No, everyone, regardless what they do, would receive 700 Euros a month because the government of Spain has enough money to pay everyone”. I then heard my father´s shocked and appalled German voice shouting “Bist du mich verarschen???” which loosely translates to “Are you fucking kidding me?”. That´s when I was set loose on the woman.

Now I am not a math genius or anything but I had to give a small counting lesson to this lazy good-for-nothing dreamer. “Now if everyone gets 700 Euros does that include children?” I asked. “Well of course” she replied. “Okay, so if you had five people in the family, the family would receive 3,500 Euros a month. And with that time of income no one would work” I pointed out. She then claimed that I was calling the Spanish lazy, but I retorted with the fact that in any country with this system, anywhere in the world, nobody would work. I think this really upset her, so I closed this argument by stating the obvious “The gypsies have 10 kids now just to receive benefits, can you imagine how many kids they would have for that kind of money?”.

Next I moved on to my next point, which was unfortunately a bit offense. I hate to say it, but in this world there are just people who are corrupt, lazy, devious, and (sorry) useless in every way possible to the point that if they died tomorrow I wouldn´t care. Trust me saying this to somebody who thinks that everyone is equal and the people who don´t contribute to society should have the same “rights” as those who do, can get you in hot water. “Yes I agree” I said, “But I think only the people who do things should receive the money while the lazy and useless should be thrown in the sea”. This is when she started calling me a “Nazi” and saying that I had no morals or didn´t want to build a better world. “Sorry, maybe I should get some dreadlocks and yammer on with a clipboard in my hand begging for money”, I exclaimed sarcastically.

Honestly, it was a good half an hour arguing with this crack-head ideologist but I think I won. The truth is, I would love to have laws that help the whole world but the truth is not everyone deserves it. Moreover, human nature and history shows us that most people would take advantage of this kind of system, just look what happened recently in Germany or Britain. If you want a better world, work for it.

Groundhog day

We need to kill all the groundhogs in the world because they are secretly taking over. I discovered this recently when I saw my dog beamed onto what looked like a giant groundhog-faced spaceship, then upon returning he started barking pro-groundhog phrases. It kind of reminded of that whole communist Russia thing, only Stalin was less cuddly and heart-warming. So, I have been thinking about how we stop this revolution and put an end to their secret tyranny. Remember the saying “the best defence is a good offence”? Well, let’s rid the world of these monsters once and for all. Here are my three methods of gaining the upper-hand.

First of all, we could send a secret coded groundhog message saying that all groundhogs are to meet in a spaceship for an important plan of attack. Then once they have all entered the spaceship we blast them to the moon. The main drawback is that they are evil little critters and could use the moon as a base to carry out their plan.

Secondly, we could round them up military style and do some ethnic-cleansing. This would take rigorous planning and secrecy between government officials so the groundhogs wouldn’t catch wind of the plan and hide. Unfortunately, this has been done before (Hitler) and some people might see this as unethical, especially tree-huggers and animal lovers. If necessary we could kill them too.

The last possibility would be to sign a truce with the leader. This truce could be signed by all the governments of the world to show intentions of peace so the groundhogs wouldn’t attack any countries that were not on the agreement. The main problem I can see with this solution is that groundhogs are natural liars and would definitely break the truce in time.

In conclusion, I think that any one of these three solutions could work if followed through correctly. I personally would opt for option 2 but I am sure some readers find this solution too aggressive and would prefer a peaceful action plan like a truce. But, whichever solution is selected we must act quickly, they are dangerous and ready for action. Let’s proclaim a new groundhog day!